tell me something sweet to get me by.

people always ask me why I want to move back to Florida after I graduate. I usually just tell them that I love the beach or something along those lines, but the truth is, Florida is my home. I moved when I was in kindergarten and have visited frequently throughout the years, and each time I visit I am more convinced that that's where my heart is. I have never fully accepted Texas as my home in the 12 years that I have lived here. Florida is my home, and always will be. That is where my heart is and where it will remain.

this is the end.

I remember tracing your hand with my fingers fighting the urge to grab it and never let go. I knew that if I grabbed your hand you would be able to feel my pulse and feel my palms sweating. you would be able to feel my heart beating and you'd see what you did to me. you weren't allowed to see that.

Fa la la la la. Fuck my life.

when you opened the door to let us in I wanted to tackle you in a hug and not let go. I had forgotten how good it was to see your face and hear you voice. I couldn't even look you in the eyes, I'm pretty sure I would've started crying had I. You barely said two words to me before leaving us in your brother's room. I think that's when it finally hit me that we were done. Up until that point I thought that we would just fight it out some more until we eventually made up, that's how it always happened. In that moment I realized that all the awful, shitty things that you had said to me, you actually meant.
Freshman year I had this major, die-hard crush on a boy two years older than me. I remember not being able to stop thinking about him day in and day out and whenever I saw him I got butterflies and my face would turn bright red, my friend's couldn't mention his name without me blushing. When I realized that he was into my best friend and that I didn't stand a chance with him I completely fell apart. I remember I had this awful ache in my stomach all the time like there were rocks just laying there at the bottom and my heart literally felt like there was this huge gaping hole right smack in the middle of it. It was the first time that I had physical heartache. I will never forget that feeling.
Sophomore year I fell in love with a guitarist, he even named his guitar after me. We talked for eight months and come to find out the last three weeks of our "relationship" he had a girlfriend. That feeling came back. The rocks in the stomach and the hole in the heart. I stayed in bed for three days after that.
Tonight, that's exactly how I feel. Rocks in my stomach and a hole in my heart. I miss you and I truly care about you. All those terrible things you accused me of never happened, and I hope you realize that one day. It was you, it was always you.

cole.

you looked just like him. I had to do a double take because the resemblance was uncanny. I had to spend the majority of the night around you and it killed me. I didn't see you, I saw him.

give me something to believe.

whenever I catch myself twitching at night I think back to how every time I did you use to kiss my forehead and rub my back to comfort me. I miss that.

I've been locked inside this house all while you hold the key.

I cannot stand to see pictures of you two together.