when you opened the door to let us in I wanted to tackle you in a hug and not let go. I had forgotten how good it was to see your face and hear you voice. I couldn't even look you in the eyes, I'm pretty sure I would've started crying had I. You barely said two words to me before leaving us in your brother's room. I think that's when it finally hit me that we were done. Up until that point I thought that we would just fight it out some more until we eventually made up, that's how it always happened. In that moment I realized that all the awful, shitty things that you had said to me, you actually meant.
Freshman year I had this major, die-hard crush on a boy two years older than me. I remember not being able to stop thinking about him day in and day out and whenever I saw him I got butterflies and my face would turn bright red, my friend's couldn't mention his name without me blushing. When I realized that he was into my best friend and that I didn't stand a chance with him I completely fell apart. I remember I had this awful ache in my stomach all the time like there were rocks just laying there at the bottom and my heart literally felt like there was this huge gaping hole right smack in the middle of it. It was the first time that I had physical heartache. I will never forget that feeling.
Sophomore year I fell in love with a guitarist, he even named his guitar after me. We talked for eight months and come to find out the last three weeks of our "relationship" he had a girlfriend. That feeling came back. The rocks in the stomach and the hole in the heart. I stayed in bed for three days after that.
Tonight, that's exactly how I feel. Rocks in my stomach and a hole in my heart. I miss you and I truly care about you. All those terrible things you accused me of never happened, and I hope you realize that one day. It was you, it was always you.
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