depression is like being in the middle of an ocean. one minute you're floating on your back, the sun is shining down on your face and a slight breeze is kissing your skin. you are in a state of serenity and anything feels possible. you feel amazing and ready to let the ocean hold you there as long as it wants to.
the next minute a giant wave comes crashing over you and pulls you under. you begin to panic and struggle towards the surface but the water is too powerful. it's gripping you with icy fingers and refuses to let go. you can feel the water filling your lungs. you think "how could this happen? everything was just fine, I didn't even see it coming." and you're just there, drowning under the water, no longer struggling towards the surface. falling down, down, down into this fast unknown of dark nothingness wondering if you'll make it back to the surface alive and honestly not even caring.
that's how depression works. you go from zero to sixty in the matter of seconds. from actually enjoying life to not even caring if you wake up in the morning.
it's even worse when people think that depression is something that can be controlled. yeah, there are medicines but they don't always work. in my case the doctors have been trying different medicines and different dosages, none seem to be fully working yet and it's frustrating. depression is not an act and it's something that I can't fix over night. believe me, if I could, I would.
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